We here at Celticsgreen have been some of the most staunch defenders of Kendrick Perkins since he entered the league in 2003. While most Celtics fans have had varying opinions on him, we here at CG have, for the most part, been behind him 100 percent, almost to the point of hysteria. One could even make the argument that some of us have gone Perk-crazy.
Well I wouldn't go that far. It's not like I've pretended to win a contest to spend a day with Perk. . . until now.
11:44 a.m.- Pick up Perk at the Fargo airport. I meet him in the airport and walk him back to my pristine 1988 Pontiac Sunbird. After spending several futile minutes trying to explain to him how to open the passenger-side door (it involves a needle-nose pliars), we decide to take his rental car.
12:13 p.m.- We arrive at the our dining destination, the Hi-Ho (bottomless mugs of Coke? All you can eat French fries? Check. Mate.). Perk orders a shake and comments that he eats a lot of carbs to supplement his weight lifting program. I mention that I eat a lot of carbs because Frito-Lay has yet to make a corn chip made strictly out of meat. Silence.
I spend that next 90 minutes wolfing down crinkle cut fries and quizzing Perk about the eating habits of his Celtic teammates. Does Rondo eat fast? Did the Kandiman ever hide Good 'n' Plentys in his hair for timeout snacks? What is Scalabrine's opinion on veal? Shockingly, Perk answered either "I don't know," or "Why would you even think about that?" to most of the questions.
1:53 p.m.- We hit the local courts for a spirited game of two on two. It is Perk and I versus a couple of local college players. I spend most of the game doing my best World B. Free impersonation, throwing up half court shots that-if I'm lucky-catch a slice of the backboard. Not surprisingly, Perk gobbles up every offensive rebound and we take a commanding lead.
In the last play of the game, Perk catches another one of my air balls, and throws it down, giving us a 142-5 victory. In the heat of the moment, I ask Perk if I could get on his shoulders and dunk the basketball. He comments that that would be pretty awkward, seeing that I'm a grown man. Our opponents agree. I blamed it on a momentary loss of judgement mixed with my low blood sugar level.
3:13 p.m.- We head to local watering whole for a few beers. I offer to buy a round, but Perk just orders a water. When I ask why he didn't want a beer, he mentioned that he wasn't a big drinker, and that it was a Tuesday afternoon. Fair enough, I replied.
Remembering that Perk never played college ball, I thought he'd enjoy hearing some of my college stories. After 90 minutes of me regaling him with tales of my college years, Perk said that he was confident that he made the right choice skipping school. He also questioned how I could fit that much beer drinking, N64 playing, and farting into four years. That's when I let him know that it took six and half years to build that kind of legacy. He didn't seem impressed.
4:54p.m.- Even though he was originally supposed to spend the rest of the day in Fargo, he decided that he should catch the next flight. I mentioned that I may be in Boston this winter, and asked if I could get his phone number. I am a little suspicious that he gave me a fake number (1-555-555-5555?), but I guess I'll find out when I'm in Boston.