CELTICS GREEN BLOG by and for boston celtics fans: Mid Season Musings by Eja117

by FLCeltsFan 9:13 PM

by Eja117

Today we get a little bit of twisted humor from Celtics Green's own Eja117. I guess the last 21 years have given us all this feeling that when things are going too well for the Celtics something is going to happen to squash it. I mean, what can you expect from a commissioner who is a Knicks fan? Here is his article:

Mid season year 2008-09

KG, PP, and Ray hanging out together in PP's apartment

PP: Do either of you guys miss being double teamed all the time?

Ray: Are you insane?

KG: I tell you what I don't miss. I don't miss seeing Amare, Dirk, Boozer, and Duncan every other week. Now all I ever have to worry about is Shaq when he actually plays, but they just send in Scala and Pollard to send him to the line 10 times, plus Perk mostly deals with Shaq, while I deal with heh heh Udonis Haslem. Perk looks so cute when he defends Shaq. This East conference thing is a vacation to me, especially now that Jermaine O'Neal has been traded to the Lakers for that 19 year old guy..what's his name. Bynam.

Ray: I prefer the snow here to the rain in Seattle.

KG: I like the way there is still nice snow but it's way less than that icebox in Minnesotta. And I tell you what else. Watching all the Goodwill Hunting reruns here is way better than all the Fargo reruns there.

PP: But does it ever seem too easy being together, like we're cheating or something?

KG: Is this that whole Kansas thing bugging you? Did Scott Pollard talk to you again? Like you have to suffer to be happy? I told you to only go there for a year like Starburry. You didn't listen. No. We deserve this.

PP: No that's not what I mean. Like the other day when we beat the Hawks by 40 points. We shouldn't have done that. It was wrong.

Ray: I said in our press conference people have to be afraid to come here and you agreed. We did what we had to do.

PP: Fine, fine, but how about this. When the TWoles come here let's not kill them, ok? It's not fair. We've fleeced the TWolves in two trades in a row and if we kill them again they might stop offering us awesome trades.

KG: Not kill the TWolves? Did you realize I was sitting right next to you?

Ray: Yeah I didn't follow that at all actually.

PP: I'm just thinking maybe we should save something for the playoffs.

Ray: It's thinking like that that kills the Heat. No way.

PP: Look guys. I've been a Celtic a long time now. Stern always figures a way to screw us. If we get too good something horrible will happen.

KG: Who are those tall men in dark clothes walking down the street outside? I've never seen such a menacing looking posse. Not even around AI on all-star break.

Ray: Maybe the Pizza is here.

Enter Ghosts of Red and DJ

Ghosts: Paul, Ray, Kevin. You must leave now. Stern has sent his "associates" to find you. They can smell your 2007-08 Eastern Conference Championship rings. They're only purpose is to find you and the rings, and when they do they will kill you. They will never stop hunting you.

KG: Who the heck are you and where is my calzone?

Ghosts: We are the ghosts of Red and DJ. You must listen to us and leave now

Associates: Hello boys. We're David Stern's associates.

Ray: Did you bring the Chinese food?

PP diving out a window: Get out of here!

Associates blow away everyone in the room. They try to kill the ghosts but the bullets pass thru them.

Associates: Who are you?

Ghosts: We are the ghosts of Red and DJ

Associates: Oh good. The boss has a deal in place to send you to the Chinese for Yi.

The associates vacuum them into a minivac and leave the room.

The Celtics go on to finish dead last in the East and lose the lottery. Doc and Danny Ainge are found dead in a hotel room in an apparent double murder suicide pact the next day with a note saying "It was Donaghy's fault", but reporters Greg Dickerson, Gary Tanguay, and Mike Felger question why the gun was in Ainge's left hand and the bullet hole on the right side of his head. They are never seen again.

Tommy is heard grumbling to Gorman "I knew this would happen". Gorman grumbles back. "So did I, but shut up".

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